Mahal ko siya at sabi niya Mahal din
niya ako. Mahal namin ang
isa't-isa ngunit and tadhana
na ang nag-sabi na hindi
kami ang itinakda....
Mahal ko siya, sinabi din
niyang mahal niya ako. Hindi
ako naniwala. Ayaw kong
kong ,anuhay sa isang pangakong
walang kasiguraduhan....
Mahal niya ako, hindi ko siya
mahal, pero dapat kong piliting
mahalin siya dahil balang araw
dapat maging kami. Ngunit, kaya
ko kayang ipakita sa kanya na
mahal ko siya kahit na ang sinasabi
ng puso ay iba????
Mahal ko siya, ngunit hindi niya ako mahal. Pinipilit
ko siyang mahalin ako pero matuturuan kaya ang isang
pusong mahalin ka kahit alam mong hindi niya
kaya??
Hindi namin mahal ang isa't-isa,
Pero kami ang palaging pinagtagpo
ng tadhana, paano kaya tayo
magkalayo gayong gsto nila tayong
magtagpo....
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Freedom
I thought I was free... Free from
Choosing who to love and who to hate... but
now, I realize that I was wrong. I'm walking in the aisle
of our chrurch, minutes from now I will be married
but not with the guy I love... They imprisoned
me and force me to marry my mortal enemy...
My Old Friends
I thought I have the greatest best friend in the world, an overall person. My cousin who seemed to be like my sister, my teacher, my Ate and the shoulder that I will be crying on every time I have problems and the first person who will know the happiness that I am feeling when I find out that my crush likes me or whatever things. I never thought that she will betray me or she will be jealous at me, well, I may say she has financial problems but despite that for me she’s almost perfect. My parents treated her like their own child because our house is already her second home.
She’s older than me for three years but it’s not so obvious because I’m taller than her for few inches. We hang out together and do charity works together. If I’m not permitted to go out, she’s always there to explain to my parents the real thing and I will already be permitted, that’s how my parents trust her.
But when she became college and I was still in second year high school, things started to change. She got her new set of friends while I am left all alone. My mom started to notice the distance that we are having that’s why, she introduces me to the other teenagers in our place and I found new company through them but still I am feeling different when I’m with her. That’s why I’m going near to her and tried to talk to her but she change indeed, I think she feels that she don’t know me anymore. She’s already with my enemies, I isolated myself from other people, I’m not going out of our house and I’m entertaining myself with the books that I have.
Then, I envy my classmates who are boasting that they have many friends in their neighbourhood, sp I decided to start all over again, I left my past behind and made a new beginning, right now, I’m still seeing my former best friend and I realize that she was not worthy of being one because I just knew that there are others who are better than her.
I can’t say that treating her as my best friend was the greatest mistake I ever did, I even thought that maybe it was my fault because I believe in the things that she’s saying, she’s destroying my crushes so that I won’t like them anymore and she will get it from me, actually, we have shared many things and I’m doing my best not to regret those times. I loved her, and I will always do, I don’t know if she also loves me but at least I never hurt her because before our friendship became completely broken, I tried my best to fix it but I think my best wasn’t enough for it.
At this moment, I’m with the people who treated me as their friends, they may not be as perfect as She is at least they are true and loyal.
She’s older than me for three years but it’s not so obvious because I’m taller than her for few inches. We hang out together and do charity works together. If I’m not permitted to go out, she’s always there to explain to my parents the real thing and I will already be permitted, that’s how my parents trust her.
But when she became college and I was still in second year high school, things started to change. She got her new set of friends while I am left all alone. My mom started to notice the distance that we are having that’s why, she introduces me to the other teenagers in our place and I found new company through them but still I am feeling different when I’m with her. That’s why I’m going near to her and tried to talk to her but she change indeed, I think she feels that she don’t know me anymore. She’s already with my enemies, I isolated myself from other people, I’m not going out of our house and I’m entertaining myself with the books that I have.
Then, I envy my classmates who are boasting that they have many friends in their neighbourhood, sp I decided to start all over again, I left my past behind and made a new beginning, right now, I’m still seeing my former best friend and I realize that she was not worthy of being one because I just knew that there are others who are better than her.
I can’t say that treating her as my best friend was the greatest mistake I ever did, I even thought that maybe it was my fault because I believe in the things that she’s saying, she’s destroying my crushes so that I won’t like them anymore and she will get it from me, actually, we have shared many things and I’m doing my best not to regret those times. I loved her, and I will always do, I don’t know if she also loves me but at least I never hurt her because before our friendship became completely broken, I tried my best to fix it but I think my best wasn’t enough for it.
At this moment, I’m with the people who treated me as their friends, they may not be as perfect as She is at least they are true and loyal.
May 2007
I was once walking on the road together with my friends, we were distributing letters for a certain church activity and we were gathering funds for it when we passed by a house with group of guys dancing. We were attracted to their moves, so we decided to stop by and watch them, it so happen that they were my friend’s friend… We were introduced. Actually I didn’t feel something when I knew them; I admire their moves and grooves but not their own self.
As days pass by, we kept on dropping by that house and I begin to notice a guy who is tall, white and has a Chinese appearance, very near to my type of guy except for the fact that he has vices, I thought he’s perfect and my heart begin to beat faster for him. Then, when I was about to tell my friends about my feeling for him, I heard one of my close friends saying about her feelings for the same guy. My heart wants to express my feeling for him but my mind is telling me not to, because maybe my friend will forbid me of liking him and she will break the friendship that we are having.
Afraid of loosing the friendship, I decided to hide what I feel but later on, that guy went to our house and express his feelings for me, I want to tell him the truth but I can’t, I’m afraid! Then later on, I decided to stay away from them, although I already hurt myself and the guy that I love I still can’t take seeing my close friend flirting at him.
Yes, I’m such a coward person, I didn’t fight for my love but how can I when I’m sure that everyone will disagree on what I will be doing. I hurt him, and I hurt myself but at least I didn’t hurt my Friend.
As days pass by, we kept on dropping by that house and I begin to notice a guy who is tall, white and has a Chinese appearance, very near to my type of guy except for the fact that he has vices, I thought he’s perfect and my heart begin to beat faster for him. Then, when I was about to tell my friends about my feeling for him, I heard one of my close friends saying about her feelings for the same guy. My heart wants to express my feeling for him but my mind is telling me not to, because maybe my friend will forbid me of liking him and she will break the friendship that we are having.
Afraid of loosing the friendship, I decided to hide what I feel but later on, that guy went to our house and express his feelings for me, I want to tell him the truth but I can’t, I’m afraid! Then later on, I decided to stay away from them, although I already hurt myself and the guy that I love I still can’t take seeing my close friend flirting at him.
Yes, I’m such a coward person, I didn’t fight for my love but how can I when I’m sure that everyone will disagree on what I will be doing. I hurt him, and I hurt myself but at least I didn’t hurt my Friend.
My Kindness
Ever since in my life, I'm born with a kind family... When someone needs help my parents are always there to help or to give something.
Now that I'm already grown-up... I also learn how to be kind and to be like my parents.... At this moment, I need to share something, not money, nor fame or intelligence. I need to share or fully give the guy I love to my BESTFRIEND, I thought what I feel for him was just nothing until I realize that I was falling for him, thinking that he didn't love me, I'm still showing up but feels hurt when I see him talking to Her, later on, he asked me to talk to him and he told me that he likes me... I want to answer him the real thing but I was thinking of my best friend… That's why I lied to him and told him that I already have a boyfriend... I was hurt and I felt that he also feel the same... But I can't leave my best friend just because of him....
Later on, as days pass by, I thought what I did was right but I just understand that it wasn't. He left everyone and went to a place we don't know where, asking why???
He knew the real thing... My love for him, and my sacrifice because of my best friend... and I cried when I read a letter saying, 'I thought you love me, but why won't you fight for your love, if she's really your best friend, she's willing to accept the truth and leave us alone being happy.... But it's unfair... I can't take your kindness, that you don't know that you are already hurting someone because of it....’
Now that I'm already grown-up... I also learn how to be kind and to be like my parents.... At this moment, I need to share something, not money, nor fame or intelligence. I need to share or fully give the guy I love to my BESTFRIEND, I thought what I feel for him was just nothing until I realize that I was falling for him, thinking that he didn't love me, I'm still showing up but feels hurt when I see him talking to Her, later on, he asked me to talk to him and he told me that he likes me... I want to answer him the real thing but I was thinking of my best friend… That's why I lied to him and told him that I already have a boyfriend... I was hurt and I felt that he also feel the same... But I can't leave my best friend just because of him....
Later on, as days pass by, I thought what I did was right but I just understand that it wasn't. He left everyone and went to a place we don't know where, asking why???
He knew the real thing... My love for him, and my sacrifice because of my best friend... and I cried when I read a letter saying, 'I thought you love me, but why won't you fight for your love, if she's really your best friend, she's willing to accept the truth and leave us alone being happy.... But it's unfair... I can't take your kindness, that you don't know that you are already hurting someone because of it....’
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